Whether in personal life or in business, many opposing forces are at play. Choices constantly have to be made between your own values, the values of others, your own best interest, and the interest of others, etc. etc. Never does a decision stand alone; a decision always comes with its own list of effects and consequences. Integrity in business and life is one of those values, and I like to discuss it in this article.

As you may know by now, I am a firm believer in what I call the “Pull Principle” (in other terminology: the “law of attraction”): what you do unto others and the world in general is what you will be pulling back into your own life. Like attracts like. Personal and professional integrity IN, personal and professional integrity OUT.

Wikipedia describes integrity this way: Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity in business and life is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions.

Recently, I observed two events, to do with –in my opinion anyway- breaking integrity.

One was relatively close by, to do with a mentor of mine, who I always regarded highly in terms of integrity in business. He decided to step away from a professional group he had been part of (and in which he has always been a fervent and outspoken supporter of integrity), join a new one, and was recruiting members of his old group to join him in the new one –all for his financial gain, and to the detriment of the old group.

Another came from one of my neighbours, who had been an employee for a small, community orientated company. This company’s CEO had wilfully neglected to pay superannuation (pension) payments and salary sacrifice payments into the employees’ superannuation funds and salary sacrifice funds for over 12 months. Now, the company was facing bankruptcy, so payments couldn’t be made anymore anyway. My neighbour, who was their payroll officer, did find out that two days before bankruptcy was declared, a property was sold (and the deal settled) for cash, and $50,000 suddenly disappeared from a bank account as well. No-one had a clue where the money went (I do……).

Integrity in business and life has the tendency to go out the window for some people when their own financial (that is the most prominent one) interests get too much involved. Me before you. Save yourself, then the other ones. As long as I am right, it is all good. That kind of attitude.

In the long run, this attitude is going to bite you in the bum. The intention you put out into the universe is that you don’t give a rip about someone else, as long as your business is in order. From a Pull Principle point of view, this potentially has two consequences:

• You will most likely come across more circumstances where you have to let go even more of your sense of integrity. In other words: the situations will get more “severe”.
• You will very likely run into people who have similar ideas about (the lack of) integrity, who will blithely do similar things to you as you have done to others.

How Does Lack of Integrity in Business and Life Affect You?

Now, this is not to say that “you will get punished for your evil deeds”. I am not talking about revenge and retaliation. I am purely talking about an intention level, that will set off a chain of events that will not serve you in the long run, integrity wise. The Pull Principle is not a “good vs bad” type principle. It is a “what goes out, must come back in” principle. If your lack of integrity has the consequence of damaging someone else’s interests or livelihood –which was definitely the case in the two examples I mentioned- then you shouldn’t really be surprised if at some point a curve ball comes straight back at you, and you will not be able to catch it properly.

The ultimate consequence of lack of integrity in business and life is loss of trust. Trust is a MAJOR factor in being able to do business profitably and consistently, and in having fulfilling relationships. Once trust is lost, it is hard –if not impossible- to earn it back. The word spreads quickly, and a blemished name is a nasty possession.

What to do to ensure maximum integrity? Margaret Thornsborne in her book “The Seven Heavenly Virtues of Leadership” states:

“It is not for nothing that the development of emotional intelligence involves the capacity to self-reflect—to understand self—before being able to understand others! Which is why integrity has such a strong role to play if you wish to develop and maintain emotionally healthy relationships….. The people you manage and lead need to know what you stand for (your values) and where you are taking them (the goals of the organisation and for their own work). You must demonstrate that you are reliable, honest and trustworthy and that you walk your talk. They need to see your values in action, that you value healthy relationships and that you have their best interests at heart. They need to see that you value openness and honesty in interpersonal transactions. They need to know that they will not be deliberately diminished by your actions.

In other words, to maintain healthy relations with those you lead, you must act with integrity. If these things don’t happen, people will experience disgust and shame, often felt as confusion and anxiety, betrayal, rejection and isolation..

She also describes a number of ways you can ensure maximum integrity in your personal and professional life, which will ultimately –in conjunction with the Pull Principle- make your life a downstream journey. You just have to enjoy the ride. Here are a couple of key points and suggestions, that will assist you with maintaining your integrity at all times.

1                     Integrity is essential for fulfilling and profitable relationships. Realise this at all times, and stick to it. Trust is a massively valuable commodity.

2                    What you do unto others, will come back to you; this is the essence of the Pull Principle. Be aware of what you would like to happen to YOU, and do the same to OTHERS.

3                    Observe someone who has spectacularly failed in terms of integrity. Take this piece of “contrast”, and flip it around 180 degrees. What would IDEALLY have been the right thing to do in this case? Commit yourself to doing THAT.

4                    Find a coach/mentor who you know has high standards of integrity. Pick their brain, and learn from them. How are they behaving? How do they deal with lack of integrity in others?

5                    What are YOUR values? What do you stand for? Why is this so? How would you feel if someone else with certain values didn’t stand for them? Would you like to feel this way about yourself?

6                    Be courageous. Having high integrity means you will have to sometimes “take a beating” short term. Instant gratification may seem really attractive, especially if it solves a pressing issue. If this is accompanied by loss of integrity, it will not serve you in the long run. Have the courage to opt for the long-term advantage.

7                    Aim to always do what you say you will do. And if that becomes impossible for whatever reason, take responsibility, and be open about it.

Final Thoughts on Integrity in Business and Life

Personally, I could not live with myself if I dropped my sense of integrity in business and in my life for some instant gratification. That is not to say that I am therefore “good”, and others are “bad”. What it does mean, is that I will always make choices based on what I –at the time I make the decision!- believe to be the best option for both myself, and for the people and environment around me. I believe that, if we would all act this way in business and personal affairs, the world would be a much better place.

There is truth in that, I must say, but that’s not the point. A fact is, that –generally- the Dutch have a pretty good money management attitude, and not often get into financial strife. I can vividly remember my mum’s standard answer to my childhood and teenage pleas for more toys and “goodies”:” if you haven’t got the money to buy what you want, you either go work for it, or you don’t buy it!” Simple. Effective.

From a stress and work-life balance point of view this is a healthy way of looking at things. If you don’t have the money, you just don’t buy it (the one major exception for many in the Netherlands being a home). This is especially poignant when I read in the paper that –I quote-

“AUSTRALIANS [but not limited to Aussies] are facing unprecedented levels of financial stress from cost of living rises, with one-in-four dipping into savings or going into debt to maintain their lifestyles.”

Not so long ago I read another article, in which was pointed out, that “things” that 15 years ago were considered a luxury, nowadays form part of the “got to have-list”. The BIGGER house, the second or third car –of a more expensive make as well, the so-manieth computer in the house with superfast –expensive- broadband connection, the BIG widescreen television, the newest mobile phone, the game console(s), the holidays, the reverse cycle air conditioner, etc.
Maintaining that lifestyle has indeed become a stressful chain of events. People buy their lifestyle on credit, on lay-by, on “50 months interest free”, on borrowed money, or from essential savings money that should really be kept for emergencies.

Not that all this in inherently bad or wrong; it definitely is NOT financially healthy behaviour, though.

We can only keep that cycle up for so long. At some point something has got to give, and it’s usually not the money….. We can only work SO hard, economise SO much. So it has to be our lifestyle, or at least our expectations of [whatever is] lifestyle.

On television I saw a couple having a hard time because they were way in arrears with paying their mortgage. She was crying, he didn’t say much (which said it all). Now that’s a sad thing, obviously. But. Put it in perspective, though: he was driving a big Ute (or truck, bakkie, or pickup, depending on where you live); fairly new, and costing at least $40,000+ to own. She drove a smaller Kia. The house was a beautiful 4 bedroom, again fairly new, dwelling, with a nice garden, in a good neighbourhood. Price must be in the regions of $450,000 to $500,000. The interior of the place looked good, too, and yes, a huge chunk of a wall was taken up by a –at least- 50” wide screen television. There were more nice things to be spotted. The gist of the report on television was how Aussies are “doing it tough” at the moment, and this couple –in their early 20’s- was an example.

That jars in my brain, somewhere. I sincerely feel for the couple, as they obviously perceive great stress. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong –especially at that young age- with buying a $300,000 to $400,000 3-bedroom house, which saves you at least $7,000 to $10,000 per annum in interest payments. And what about renting?? Downsizing in vehicles isn’t failure either, and could make for easier repayments or owning them outright. The television? Well, let’s not go there. My conservative guess was that at least $15,000 to $20,000 per annum could be saved by lifestyle changes, which would GREATLY reduce stress levels. A fair chunk of money.

I really like keeping things simple. The simpler you can perceive life, the less difficult is becomes to make clear and stress-free decisions. I also like a healthy financial attitude, as that will ensure stress-free living, and happy retirement. It all forms part of what I call my “Knowareness” principles; the combination of knowing and awareness that assists you in maintaining perspective.

Simplifying life and cutting back on spending until your financial situation clears up isn’t the end of the world. The stupidest things to do when making financial decisions is 1) using borrowed money to do it with, and 2) using “keeping up with the Joneses” as your decision making criteria.
The solution to get out and stay out of these kinds of stresses and stressful lifestyles? Well, there are multiple, but here are two to start off with:

1. If you haven’t got the money, don’t buy it. Wait until you do have it. Delayed gratification is the term for this.
2. From whatever money you make (weekly, monthly), win, find, save, etc: put 10% aside in an “untouchable” account, ongoing. The only purpose of that money is to make you more. There is a bigger strategy to this, but start off with saving 10 percent on the highest internet savings account you can find, and then watch your wealth grow, day by day.

I realise I will be kicking the shins of many a retailer and banker, but we’re talking about your financial future, here, and about your lifestyle and lifestyle stresses. Spending beyond your limits is a killer, and many people seem to consider it an accepted one….

Be the first to wake up. It’s worth it.

• Competition is fierce, even within the law firm itself
• Clients become more demanding
• Stakes get higher
• There are more ways to take people into legal battle, and I could become one of them if I don’t perform
• The company has to make profit
• I have to make a living
• Bills and “accounts payable” stack up
• Modern technology allows for 24/7 communication, so….. that includes me (the clients think).
• And so on…..

Today, I’d like you to jump to the following link, and listen to a 5 minute podcast I posted recently. Jump straight here: http://www.cinchcast.com/marc-de-bruin/201551 If you are at all serious about your life, your business, and yourself, the podcast is worth listening to, even though the topic discussed will most likely not be applicable to you! Enjoy, and talk with you soon! Marc

“Good grief”, I thought. “Yet another thing to do in order to become an even better coach, or at least a better money maker. I probably need to take this course ………….”

The whole thing immediately got me thinking on a “meta-level”. Do we really NEED to DO all this much to become who and what we would like to become in our lives, or is there an alternative? It seems that nearly every coaching school -that goes for us coaches specifically, but it counts just the same for every other profession- has adopted the vision that a good coach can only be a coach who continually takes course after course after course to keep up with the rest of the masses. And like I said, every profession suffers from this “there is more to do/learn/study”-syndrome. Even as a lawyer in Holland I had to take training after training as part of the permanent education programme.

Now understand me correctly, I haven’t got anything against studying and gaining more understanding. On the contrary, I love it, and strongly encourage you to follow as much knowledge-providing courses as you can. Do them just for the fun of it!
The whole thing that goes against the grain with me is that there is an image being built and held up high by course-developers, and by society in general. It is the image that you cannot be a good enough coach/professional/human being if you have not taken these courses or done all sorts of other things.

The presupposition I read behind all the courses that are developed and all that is required from us as humans is: “you are not good enough (yet), you need to do more to become adequate”. It might be my twisted mind that wants to see it that way, but I am quite sure I am on the right track.

Now, and here’s the question that popped up in my mind, is DOING indeed the answer to growing a successful life/career, or have we all fallen in a collective thought mind-trap? have we made a grand mistake by adopting this “need to do more”- belief? Are we turning into human doings instead of human beings? Our whole society seems to revolve around doing, doing, doing as the necessary tool to achievement –to the point that people get stressed out completely. Less and less do we focus on what each of us truly is: a human being…being…being.

I do not (and cannot) claim to have the answer for everybody, but I hope my point of view will get you thinking about your own convictions on this matter.

In Taoism, which I like a lot, it is pretty clear:

“In the practice of The Way (that is what “Tao” or “Dao” means) every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone”.

As I said: I like that!

One of the guiding principles of Taoism is that of “wu wei”, which roughly translates into “effortless action”. Taoism says that all things that are in accordance with Tao do what they are supposed to do without any fuss, and they think not of doing anything that is “unnatural” for them to do. A tree sways with the wind. A plant grows out of a seed naturally. The wind blows this way, then that way. A bird flies, looks for food and propagates. The earth turns, and moves around in the universe.

All these things go naturally, and according to their purpose. The same should count for us. If you don’t know what to do, Taoism says, you first have to find out what your purpose is, which every one of us can do if you put the effort in.

The whole idea of Taoism and life is best represented in the “life” of water. Water flows without disturbance; whenever it bumps into something, it seeks and finds another way to flow again, back to its source, the ocean.

Now all of this sounds great from a philosophical perspective, but how can it be applied to our human race, that seems to bump into “stuff” all of the time and gets stuck immovably, and that for some reason seems to have lost the keys to all the closed doors it comes across?

My answer is that we should focus more on our “beingness”. That’s where it all begins and ends with anyway. We are born into the world “being”, and in our very last moment on this earth we are “being” again. All that we are going to do after birth, and all that we have done before we die does not matter at those points in time, really.

In our earthly existence between being born and dying, intent is the most important part of getting things done, and intent is a form ofbeing; it is not the actual doing that will get you places.

If you want to see things happen or change in your life, you first have to create a mental picture of what it is that you would like to be, do or have. If you have that picture, a “clear mental image” as Wallace Wattles calls it in “the science of getting rich”, then just focus on it long enough until you get positive vibes about it (until you feel really good, that is). As soon as you have those, you will KNOW what action to take to get there, and it will be effortless action, just as water finds a new way after running into an obstacle.

The trick with this is, that you focus completely on what you want, and not on what you do not want. Your intent is “toward motivated”, and that will yield you effortless results. In most of our lives, the things we desire and do are “away motivated”. You desire money because you do not want to be poor; you desire a good job because otherwise you will not be significant; you want a steady relationship because you do not want to feel insecure anymore; you sign up for all kinds of insurancesbecause you do not want to run any risk; you sign up for all sorts of courses because you do not want to lag behind.

Get the point?

Life is pretty simple, really. What you focus on is (usually) what you get. Your focus, which is purely a state of being, directs your actions, and the law of attraction (more about that in another article!) happily provides you more of what you focus on. So, as an example, if you focus all your thoughts on acquiring money because you do not want to feel poor anymore, your intent is on a “lack of”, and universe provides you more of THAT: a lack of money! And you wanted MORE!

More important, though is, that all the action you take (with the negative intent) will be fear-based action. You will feel anxiety, overwhelm, doubt, worry, etc., whenever you take action from a “do not want”-intent. There’s hardly any positive feeling about what you are doing.

Society to a great degree fosters this “take action to prevent bad things from happening”, so it’s not always easy to get out of that line of thinking. Moreover, as I said before, there is also huge emphasis placed on the “doing” as the way to get good things done. Sayings like “no pain, no gain” and “the devil finds work for idle hands” etc, proclaim this too. If you do not work hard and struggle, you are not going to get anywhere!

Wrong!, in my opinion. In the whole creation process, action comes last! Creation starts with the art of doing nothing, which is “being”. Then you have to get a clear picture of what you want, which is “thought”. What follows next is the “feeling” about what you want. Does your clear picture appeal to you? Does it ring right? Does it make you feel good? Then, and only then, it is time to take “action” towards your goal. Because your intent is “toward” motivated, and you feel good, your actions will be effortless, a state of doing without doing. Your desired results will follow automatically.

The only thing you really have to do is listen to your “emotional guidance system” (see the “Abraham” books by Esther and Jerry Hicks), i.e. your feelings. When the action you want to take feels right, sounds good and looks swell, go for it! That action is in line with what you want, and will yield you great results!

If the action that you planned to take gives you a bad visual, does not vibrate correctly and provides you with conflicting messages, then it is probably wise not to do anything yet! That action will be fear-driven, and will ultimately get you more of what you do not want! Stay focused on the “do want”, and wait until your intention is positive again (either by looking for alternatives, or by focusing more on your “being”). Thengo for it.

For me it was obvious: when I got the invitation to join for the course on more effective teleconferencing, my vibes were not good. I felt that Ineeded it in order to be a more successful coach. That is not a good base to sign up for a course, and so I didn’t. Yet. It might be different in two months time….

It was different with (for instance) the NLP training I did. When I came across that opportunity it rang true immediately, and made me feel all “bubbly” inside. THIS was going to be something GREAT! That is a very good reason to sign up, and doing the course was a beautiful breeze. Hardly any action necessary.

What’s the upshot? Go by feel, and go with the flow. Be vigilant about why you plan to do something. Is it because you deeply desire to do it, or is it because you feel you need to, ought to, have to, or must? In the big picture it does not matter. As I often say (I am not religious!): “God will love me anyway”. But in your life you want to have things go as smoothly as possible. Not only will going with the flow give you much more of what you want, it also means that you never ever have to do anything anymore that does not seem like a good thing to do, given the goals you are striving for. Life becomes much more fun. And that is a good thing!

Marc de Bruin

Marc came into my life as a life coach at a very critical junction in my life. It wasn’t quite as obvious when we first started working together what was about to unfold but as the weeks went on I very much required a supportive assistant and Marc was that for me. In the midst of my turmoil Marc consistently brought me back to centre and helped me focus on my goals and what was most important to me for my present and future. When crunch time came Marc was right there to make sure I didn’t give up on myself and to support me. Fortunately (for me) he is very focused and was able to guide me with confidence.

I am truly grateful for Marc’s skills as a coach and his special kind of assistance. He is truly worth his weight in gold. I know that Marc has gone to continue his training and that he will be more sensational for it. As a professional I was impressed knowing that Marc was committed to his own professional growth in order to assist his clients with even greater depth and confidence.

I would recommend Marc to anyone who needs a firm and consistent coach to keep them on track to success. Marc is fabulous!

- Tiffany Baxter
Counsellor & Health Practitioner

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I recently engaged the services of Marc De Bruin to help me with the coaching of one of my staff. I was having difficulty relating to and getting results from one of my team and had come to a dead end. After initial discussions with Marc I felt confident that with his experience and expertise, he could work with both of us to bridge our differences and address the business’ concerns.

I was pleasantly surprised by his ability to set the initial goals, define the objectives and work towards the final outcome of our problems. Marc has the ability and flexibility to discuss all areas of business and personal issues in a respectful and educated manner.

Specifically, I noticed a change in the level of understanding and motivation that occurred with my staff member and as a consequence the improvement in the business. I also learnt a lot about myself and my communication with my staff. The knowledge that he imparted has added a great deal of value to our business as a whole.

I am extremely happy with the result and would have saved a lot of time and money had I found him earlier. I would not hesitate to recommend Marc to any business and will engage his services in the future.

- Kylie Mannix
Store Manager,The Natural Foodstore, Forest Glen, Queensland
www.thenaturalfoodstore.com.au

I had always felt that I was chasing elusive success, other people got ‘there’, so why not me? Having been a very heavy smoker, when I finally stopped I found I had massive amounts of energy that I initially went to Marc to help me channel these into positive outcomes.

What I discovered after speaking with Marc was that I had so many negative thought processes, particularly around ‘success’, but also around other aspects of my life that I wasn’t too happy about…..and that I was actually getting exactly what I was asking for! Life was ok, but I was never satisfied and never felt like I was really good enough….it basically felt too hard most of the time.

Now after a few months of regular work with Marc, life is awesome, and I don’t mean that in a “rah rah” motivational course way but a ‘I feel really good about myself and my life’ way. I have completely changed my view of success and find successes in my life every day, even on the hardest ones! I spend wonderful time with my wife and kids and my business is growing at a fantastic rate. I now take responsibility for my life and Marc has taught me amazing, yet incredibly simple tools to ensure that I create the outcome that satisfies me! I am even back in the water and surfing every day.

I have done my fair share of personal growth courses and this is nothing like that! Marc has a caring and no-nonsense approach and asks the right questions to get us moving.

I would recommend Marc to anyone who feels they have a block in life that they can’t seem to get through.

Plenty of my friends have asked what the #*&$ has happened to you…..and I tell ‘em: Marc de Bruin. I get a shiver up my spine and tears in my eyes sometimes when I think about how much easier life is now.

Thank you mate, for giving me the tools to get back my spark!

- Rod White
The Event Truck Co Pty Ltd, Coolum QLD Australia
www.eventtruck.com.au

My mum was the one who first suggested that I have some life coaching sessions. At the time I was a quite unsure of the benefits that a life coach could provide me, but after a few sessions with Marc it was certain that I had begun the journey towards achieving my goals. I’ve always had a big goal in the back of mind that I have wanted to achieve before I started coaching with Marc. The picture of me reaching this goal however was blurry, undefined and I often questioned my ability of actually achieving it.

Marc helped me break down my goal into realistic chunks that I have no doubt I can pull off.Now that I have finished the life coaching program I have a much clearer goal and a more defined path, I know that where I’m heading is where I want to be. I am now traveling to the United States to study and play basketball for one semester at the State University of New York in Cortland. I would recommend Marc to everyone, even if you think are you living your dreams, Marc will help you to get more out of your life.

- B.T.,Marcus Beach, Queensland Australia

The reason why I decided to get coaching by Marc was because I felt insecure and I wanted to do something about it. After I had given birth to my beautiful daughter I looked back and saw just negatives things about the past. I couldn’t change my negative self-belief and wanting to do that was the most important reason for me sign up.

So in june this year I started the “journey” with Marc. So far it has given me the strength to go on, and I learned that only my mind is playing tricks on me, not life itself. If you want to change your life, you CAN do it, that’s the very clear message Marc has taught me. But you’ll have to work on it EVERY DAY!

It’s just like breathing in the end, when it comes naturally your life will look beautiful and you can handle any situation, even when you think you can’t.

By giving yourself rewards for your actions you get more confidence in the things you do. Marc is a good coach, he knows what and where my weaknesses are and so he always knows how to get me “positive” again by asking questions, making me take action, etc.

Now I look totally different at the world, I’ve let go of more than I did 6 months ago. I’m still learning and try to take and make more time for myself and my family. Marc is a great help in me achieving this for myself!

- N.L., Personalpersonnel officer Arnhem, The Netherlands

The reason why I wanted to see a coach was to improve my business and personal life, to help me to set goals step by step. Marc helped me in his” straightforward and easy to understand way” to feel more in control of my life and to make me feel less “overwhelmed” by the workload I set out for myself.

The results I feel I have by Marc’s sessions are that I feel much more relaxed and not stressed out with work, balance work and pleasure in a better way. He also made me realise that I wanted more fun in my life and it is easier for me to make that happen.
My finances have improved and that is very rewarding.

He really can help you to help yourself.

Yoka Nagtegaal, Alexandra Headlands, Queensland

It was during a very difficult time in my marriage that I was faced with a major decision: do I continue living with my abusive husband, or do I find the inner resources required to overcome the hurdles to leave?

Through some aimless searching on the internet I discovered Marc’s website and was immediately drawn to his clear and precise style of communication. And so began my journey of growth and empowerment so I could take the necessary steps required to eventually leave the USA and return to my homeland, Australia.

With Marc’s constant encouragement and skill in gently nudging my comfort zone ever further, I finally returned to Australia just 4 weeks ago with just a few suitcases, a deep calm and peace that I’d made the RIGHT decision and an inner knowing that all would be OK. Within 1 week of job hunting I was offered not 1 but 2 jobs!! Amazing. Now I feel things are just falling into place, with a minimum of effort, as I remember to stay focused on Marc’s usual question: “But what do you really WANT?”

I’ve found Marc to be such an inspiration as a coach as he freely shares his own struggles and challenges along the way. His upbeat, encouraging style of communication has enabled clearer introspection as he has pushed my boundaries of comfort, to enhance the change process. Our sessions have always been uplifting and filled with a good deal of laughter as a result of Marc’s sense of fun and quirky humour!!

So thanks, Marc, for continuing to support and guide me during this transition stage of my journey. And I can now look forward to a future of my own conscious creation!

- C.N.
Legal Secretary,
Sydney, Australia

Marc,

I was so exited that I wrote my goals out last night. Things are already happening —sooooo fast. I am Amazed and buzzing. I feel alive,Really alive, so thanks for your time and for sharing … WOW !!!!!!!

The last few weeks have been good considering all I’ve had to do and you were so right, Marc, about the universe answering me making some positive moves forward. It’s amazing how many things have started to take form for me and I’ve followed my gut about keeping all the balls in the air and expecting things to start to take shape. You might be interested to know that I found myself heading a catering team to cater for 800 people last Saturday …. I’m glad for it to see what I really had in me. You really have a gift for helping me change perspective.

- H.G.,
Wurtulla, QLD Australia

Coaching has given me a new zest for life and motivation to go after what I truly want. I have read and undertaken many self-development courses in the past but the motivation would not last and I’d be back to my old mediocre habits.

Personal coaching with Marc has helped me decide what it is I truly want to pursue in life. This combined with specific techniques that Marc provided has allowed me to make substantial progress towards my goals and in particular being an expert in the field of Bushfire Planning. I am amazed at what I have achieved and completed in such a small amount of time.

During my time with Marc I:

• Finally completed my fourth degree and have been offered a place in a brand new degree in the field of Bushfire Planning by a respected Sydney University.
• Applied for and been accepted by my peers as a member of a National Professional Institute and Special Interest Group for Bushfire Planning.
• Have been appointed by my Local Government as Planning representative on a Local Government Committee for Bushfire Planning.
• Have been appointed as Administration Officer for my local Rural Fire Brigade Group comprising of 10 Fire Brigades.
• Have been acknowledged by my employer, colleagues and my industry as having expertise in Bushfire Mitigation.
• Have substantially expanded my knowledge, resources and network in the field of Bushfire Planning.
• Changed my diet.
• Commenced new exercise programs and started to achieve my health goals.
• Look and feel better.
• Improved my financial position.
• Learned to be more productive and effective with my time.
• Noticed positive spin offs with my family and friends. and
• Most importantly changed the way I think.

In two words I would sum up coaching with Marc as: Life Changing!

– A.P.
Maroochy Shire Council, QLD Australia

Marc is a very thoughtful and thought provoking coach. I highly recommend him as someone who will really get you thinking, and moving in the right direction for you.

– Rochelle Dent,
Business Coach for Mumpreneurs
Pacific Paradise QLD Australia
www.leapsnboundscoaching.com

I had made an acquaintance with Marc over the internet when he asked me a question, ‘Why does a photographer become involved in personal development’? I was only too happy to explain my interest in personal development over many years and wanting to help other people become inspired. I invited Marc along as a guest to a Kurek Ashley event to get to know him in person.

I was very impressed with Marc that night. He was warm and genuine and I felt comfortable in his presence.

When he offered me a consultation with him I jumped at the chance. I am going through a very challenging phase on my life’s journey where I am separating from my partner. I felt I needed some assistance with coping with this drama and my feelings of disempowerment from past hurtful relationships.

Marc made me feel very comfortable and took me through an amazing session where I learned where these feelings originated, setting them free.

Since then I have been on a subsequent session with Marc on another topic and have no hesitation in recommending him as an excellent NLP Master. I’ll be seeing him again!

– Tracy Woolley
Inspired Landscape Photographer,
Mooloolaba QLD Australia
www.inspireyourday.com.au

When I first met Marc I could tell he was an exceptional person who is informative and fun to talk to. I was looking for a coach and knew he would be great. I have not been disappointed and in a short time have seen tremendous personal and professional benefits due to Marc’s coaching. I recommend you give him a try!

– Michael Daehn,
The Marketing Expert
St. Louis, United States of America
www.marketingenious.com

With a perspective that encompasses worldwide vistas Marc brings a myriad of skills to his coaching practice and each new endeavor. Working with Marc as part of a beta testing team, I observed first hand his sound judgment and keen intuition. Integrity and innovation are reflected in every facet of his work. When you’re ready to explore a new outlook on life, I highly recommend Marc as your guide.

– Maria Thompson,
Freelance Commercial Writer
SEO Analyst, Marketing Expert
Springfield, United States of America
www.freebird-zine.com

I was at a new level in life, when all of a sudden it just plateaued. Fear, self doubt and frustration started creeping back in, but I knew I had some more moving forward to do.

Then along came Marc (in the form of a flyer).

With Marc’s support and understanding of my personality as he got to know me, he was able to guide me back on course.

I now know how to set goals and how to successfully achieve them. I am now relieving in higher positions with my job and making new friendships with people I’m meeting through different avenues. With my new awareness of myself, I now understand why fear creeps back in and what I was really saying to myself – and believing it!!!!!!

Thanks Marc. You really know your stuff and you are great to nut things out with.

– Sharon Gatley,
Queensland Health
Maryborough QLD Australia

Thanks so much for the session with you yesterday. Afterward I felt like I could do anything. I’m shocked by how much I have been sabotaging myself from doing what I really want to do. I’m the only one who has been stopping my progress, not the lack of opportunites or lack of skills, just me not taking that unfamiliar step forward.

You asked just the right questions for me to see that for myself. It was quite confronting and even uncomfortable at times because you had me face my own truth, and there’s nowhere to hide from that. This means no more excuses not to be living the life I want to live.

Last night I took the plunge and spoke in front of a group of people and was so suprised by how easy it was once I started, it just flowed. The audience was engaged the whole time and even asked questions. For someone who has always been afraid of being noticed, oh my goodness, I actually enjoyed being the centre of attention!

Today I had some people follow up from last night, who are interested in working with me in the future. Wow. It’s amazing what can happen by taking one little step forward in the direction of your dreams. And all of this after just one session with you. You’re an angel! Thank you!!!

– Julie Whitfield
Gold Coast, QLD Australia
www.wildwomanwisdom.com

“I am doing WHAT?”, or the art of Procrastination.

Procrastination, a beautiful word for an interesting behavioural trait in us humans.

The word procrastination (even trying to spell it on the computer is an art…) is a derivative of two Latin words: “pro”, which means “forward”, and “crastinus”, an adjective which translates to “what will be tomorrow”, “of tomorrow”. Procrastination therefore literally means “move forward to tomorrow”, or “to adjourn”.

In coaching we use the term more technically, to describe the behaviour we ALL display every now and then (or often!): putting things off until “another day”, so that we don’t have to do it today. I jokingly call it the “Mañana-syndrome”, referring to popular jokes about the Spanish speaking population, who, when you ask them to do something for you reply: “Mañana, señor!” (i.e. tomorrow, sir!).

Examples

Many amongst us go: “I don’t do that! I never procrastinate!”. No? Well, when you recognise one of the below statements in yourself (or others), you belong to the human race! We ALL procrastinate, some more, some less, some often, some less often:

• your house is a mess, and you know you have to clean it, but you’d rather go and have coffee with a friend, or decide to suddenly phone a relative, and after two hours realize it’s now time to get the kids from school, and you cannot clean the house anymore!
• you are at work and things need to be done, but you go from one person or office to the other, chatting and drinking something, socializing and sending e-mails and sms-es until the cows come home, without finishing your job.
• you’ve been waiting MONTHS (or even YEARS) to write something in a journal, or to write a book, but something else always seems to have priority, or seems to stop you from starting;
• you would like to start a business or another (ad)venture for yourself, but feel that you –every time- need to do or know justthat little bit more, or read just that one extra book, or take justthat one extra course to be really ready for it.
• times or tasks get rough, and you decide to talk a walk; literally. You walk away from the task at hand, distracting yourself, or even more drastic, you go and travel around the world for a while, or relocate to another town, only to find that the same problems pop up there.
• you are aware of things that need doing, but there always is somebody or something that needs your help right now, so you “need” to address that situation first, before getting around to your own stuff.
• you fill your days cleaning up, filing stuff, organizing, getting everything in order, only to find there is no more time left to tackle the important tasks.
• you are ready to ring for that new job, to get that new client, to tell your boss you really need that raise, to call your loved one to express your emotions fully, to go and visit a friend you haven’t seen over 10 years, to start eating healthily, but then………ah, well, not today. Tomorrow I’ll definitely do it! Really.
• you just do not want to know. You go into “zombie-mode”, not taking any responsibility at all, forgetting about appointments and agreements, and living in a daze. You are not sure what’s going on, but don’t really think about it either.

Sounds familiar to one degree or another? I dare to bet with everyone who reads this that you have or have had times where one of the behaviours above showed up. Nobody is totally free of procrastination.

Sneaky

Can you see how sly procrastination really is? You cannot say that procrastination is something that you can point at; it is not tangible. It usually shows up in “cloaked” ways, behaviours that might seem very sensible or even praiseworthy (eg. helping others), but are meant to yield one result only: NOT having to do or work on the project you need to, but do not want to.

Just be honest with yourself for a couple of minutes, and search your mind for things that you feel need to be done or finished, but still aren’t (for various reasons). It can be anything from not finishing the renovation of the master bedroom to signing up for that long-desired gym membership. And be strict: “no time” is NOT a good reason to leave something undone. In that case you should have taken less on your plate.

The feeling side

So how do you feel when you procrastinate? Does it make you feel great or grouchy? Good or bad? Does it leave you smiling at yourself, or can you feel a little guilt bubbling up inside?

In reality, procrastination does not have any emotional charge of itself. It just “is”. You were meant to do something, and you don’t. Big deal. Nothing to it. What makes it this emotionally charged monster is because we live by values, beliefs and rules about what is good and bad, right and wrong. Usually, not finishing things that we were supposed to do falls under the category “not good”. We stick an emotional label on that behaviour, saying that we should not behave like this. It is THAT thought that leaves us with the bad taste, not the procrastination itself.

Domino effect

The label being put on the act of procrastination is the one that initiates a cascade of other negative thoughts and events in our lives, that usually leads us to procrastinate even more. Here are a couple of examples:

• the fact that we procrastinate makes us fearful and doubtful. We start to fret about not getting things done, which makes us feel even worse, and paralyses us.
• Our own feelings of self-worth diminish. As we feel we cannot get things done and feel bad about it, we subconsciously start to filter for more of that behaviour, and will definitely find it. That brings our self-worth down even further, and creates a poor self-image. That, in turn, reduces our expectation of success, and we then want to procrastinate more, etc. etc.
• We will create a poor reputation with others, who will then not throw exciting opportunities to us any longer, because we do not follow up.
• We will start to think that we are “good for nothing”, so why should we bother in the first place to get things done.

Why do we do it?

The one and only reason that we procrastinate is FEAR, False Expectations Appearing Real. Whether is it fear of success, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of being rejected, fear of change, fear of making mistakes, fear of having to live up to expectations, fear of the unknown, it is the fear in us that makes us choose the comfortable over the uncomfortable, the sitting still instead of the moving forward. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with being afraid. The only question you will have to ask yourself when you are procrastinating -the golden rule that guides my life- is:

Does this behaviour honour me, and is it effective?

If you answer “no” to any of the two parts, it might be time to come clean, and reassess your actions –or lack of them- up to that point. It is time for change!

What can be done?

There are a number of solutions for the stale-mate position of procrastination, yet they all start with the open and honest realisation that you ARE not doing what you feel you should, and you DO NOT like that feeling. You cannot hope to solve problems that you do not recognise or acknowledge.

From then on it is not that hard, really.

1) One of the things to do is to consciously change the interpretation you have given to the non-action. Instead of beating yourself up, feeling guilty, feeling useless, or feeling powerless, you could look at it this way:

• it might not be the right time to act yet; a wall that’s destined to fall down will not do so before its time; pushing against it will not help. Feeling guilty about the fact you cannot make it fall neither.
• you are preparing yourself for the “big move” forwards;
• you ultimately WILL take action;
• the previous non-action was just a mistake;
• procrastination in one area does not mean your whole life is motionless;
• by procrastinating up till now you are able to clearly see what you do NOT want, so now you have got more options to decide what you DO want;
• Procrastination is not a bad thing; it’s just the label you put on it that makes it so.

If you are able to look at your idling this way, you will find not only that you will feel better, but also that you will attract opportunities in your life that allow you to take action at the appropriate time to do so. The governing law in our universe is the Law of Attraction, loosely paraphrased as “what you focus on is what you will experience”. If you focus continually on what has not been done, you will find plenty more things that have not been done. That’s how simple our mind works. If, on the other hand, you focus on the temporariness of the lull, it allows you to prepare yourself for the more important things that are to come. And as your focus changes, what you draw into your reality changes; for the better, I might add!

There is NO WAY that you will not (ever) procrastinate. It is just a fact of life. What does matter is, how you react (or rather: respond) to it. Do you let it bring you down, or will you use it as leverage to jump even further?

2) Another solution is more “coach” oriented. It revolves around “taking action!”. Coaches love it when clients take action. Propel yourself forward, be scared and do it anyway. That sort of attitude. Here are a couple of ways to take that necessary action, that will overcome procrastination:

• GOALS: Get clarity on where you want to go by setting goals for yourself. You might be surprised how many people have no clue where they want to go with their lives. No wonder they do not take any action; why would you if you do not know what for?
• CLARITY: When you have a clear outcome, everything becomes a lot easier. Goals are best formulated in short sentences where you claim a state of being, either by saying “I have” or “I am”, and then finishing it in present tense. Make sure there is a “final step”, something you know is the evidence of your goal achieved. For instance, if you want to earn a certain amount of money, you might formulate the goal this way: “it is 10 July, and I am sitting in the kitchen reading the bank account statement. It shows that I have $……. in my account”.
• HELP: yes, you have to take personal responsibility for everything that goes on in your life, but hey, asking help is a great way to move yourself along. Get a coach, hire a personal assistant, ask a friend to challenge you, pay some money and get somebody to do the stuff you do not want to.
• CLEAN: make sure you remove all unwanted objects and tasks from your mind’s eye. Get rid of “old stuff”, whether physical or mental. Old hobbies, old relationships, old habits. Dump as many as you reasonably can, and create a new, clean space to think and work from. Your actions will come more easily that way.
• PLAN: when you have more structure, you will have more clarity, and chances are that the whole mess of “stuff” you were looking at before is not so bad anymore! Diarise things, get a planner, be strict but flexible with how you divide your time. Make a list of “to do” things, and put a time limit on them. Do important things first, and then the less important ones.
• TIME OUT: take regular time outs. You need them. Don’t take that many that they become part of your procrastination strategy (we humans are very intelligent beings……), but definitely take frequent “helicopter snapshots” of where you are by stepping away from it all. The more you are in the swamp of all that you have to do, the less incentive there is to actually do it. When you refresh yourself and look at it all from the outside edge of the swamp, the less daunting it looks.

There are lots of ways to overcome the inertia, and to get you moving into the desired directions. Procrastination is the art of perceiving life as being stuck, not moving, inert. That’s a conscious choice, given the fact that everything in life moves (energy flows) all the time. If that is the case you can also make the conscious choice not to see life that way anymore, and become more aligned with the “universal laws”. You’ll find that, when you do, life becomes a whole lot easier, and much more fun!

Marc de Bruin

The world you experience around you is the world YOU experience around you. It’s not my world, and neither is it your mother’s or father’s world (although to a certain degree it is, but more about that a little later).

You have your very own way of seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting and smelling this earthly experience, which makes your viewpoint unique. Have you ever wondered why that is so? Well, keep on reading.

There is this theory that our senses are bombarded with about 2 million bits of information every second. If you would be aware of all 2 million bits, you’d go bonkers completely. No doubt whatsoever. That’s why our nervous system has this incredible ability to “block out” huge amounts of info, and to only let in about 134 bits (that is 0.000067%) per second to process.

What underpins this ability to discard most of the sensory information and only be aware of a tiny bit of it are our internal filters, which distort, delete and generalise the sensory input to bite-sized pieces. A couple of very important ones of these filters are the values, beliefs and memories you hold. For the purpose of this article I’d like to talk a bit more about “beliefs” as a filtration tool.

We all hold beliefs, and that’s a good thing, considering we don’t want to go mad because of this massive assault of sensory input. But what are “beliefs”, really? Well, they are the spectacles through which you view the world and give it a certain “colour”. As said before, your beliefs make your world your own, unique world.

We hold beliefs about nearly everything: ourselves, other people, work, play, hobbies, the world, concepts health, emotions, etc. Here are a few examples of beliefs, that make things more clear:

• I am a brilliant/awful person
• My wife/husband loves me (not)
• The world is a terrible/gorgeous place to live in
• Nature is beautiful/horrible and scary
• The earth is round (yes, that is a belief, not as much a fact. As little as 600 years ago, people believed the earth was flat! Who knows, in another 600 years from now, people might believe the earth is just a disc with pictures moving from left to right on it, and life on earth is merely a “circular illusion”………)
• Black cars are more beautiful than red cars (that’s a truth for me, but hey, even that is a belief!)
• When people look angry at me, I get scared/even angrier
• Driving a car is very dangerous
• The more I meditate, the closer I get to enlightenment
• I do not like being shouted at!
• I am (not) good (enough)
• Working is what people are born to do
• Money only comes to me through hard work
• Etc., etc.

Our beliefs are the mental maps we use to navigate the territory we call “our life”. We develop(ed) our beliefs over time, starting from the day we were born, out of our experiences in life. At birth, we don’t really believe anything. But soon after that we start to develop our first beliefs about life.

It all starts with a vague representation of something we experience. We haven’t got a clue where to fit that experience yet, but with time more and more clarity comes, and “knowledge” arises. That knowledge gets backed up by even more experience, and solidifies. Now the knowledge becomes a “knowing”, something that you consider “true” in your life’s experience. You have started to believe in what once was merely a thought, a possibility in the realm of options. If more validating and affirming experiences are stacked on each other, the belief develops even further, into a conviction. From that point on, you have built a fortress around your belief, and it might seem that no-one is able to prove your belief wrong anymore.

Are you still with me??

I’ll give you a real-life example out of my mother’s life. She got quite disappointed in people in her early life already. She experienced the German suppression in WW II, had a not-so-nice stepmother and quite a tough upbringing. All these (and more) experiences developed the belief in her that “people are not innately friendly, cannot be trusted straight away, and need to be regarded with caution at all times, otherwise they’ll disappoint you”.

Now that is/was quite a destructive belief, but nevertheless a true one in my mum’s life. When my parents divorced (another disappointment) and most of the family on my father’s site –sort of- dumped her like a hot brick, that belief got reinforced heavily. It was true for her, wasn’t it? Later on, a few more not- so-nice encounters with the human race turned her belief into a conviction, and she died (too young, in my opinion) convinced that “we” (yes, us humans) are not-so-nice beings to begin with, apart from a few special gems.

And mind you, my mother was quite evolved spiritually in many ways, and taught me great wisdoms. This “parasite” belief, however, had fully invaded her thoughts and made her life experience, well, not-so-nice, to say the least. I am quite convinced I did not take that specific belief on board, luckily enough. My experiences with the human race are very positive!

The above example goes to show that you can believe anything (how idiotic the idea might seem to other people), as long as you hold an initial representation, and find evidence in your experiences that validate and confirm that representation. Slowly this “idea” turns into a truth, something that is true for you in your world. The belief my mother held (or at least my translation of it) was quite a negative one, but of course we hold very positive beliefs as well! They make your life interesting and enjoyable, and allow you to soar high above mediocrity!

You’ll probably agree with me (I assume you got the picture) that the sum total of your beliefs makes up your global representation of “the world”. Some beliefs you share with others, other beliefs are purely yours. A fact is, that many of the beliefs you hold in your life right now are derivatives of beliefs your mother and father held in their lives. Our parents leave an enormous mark on us, because they have been with us from the day dot, and are our prime teachers for the first bunch of years of our lives. And so there is a lot of truth in the biblical wisdom the “the sins of the father are visited upon the son”, where “sins”, in my spiritual perspective, are the limiting beliefs our parents held.

In my coaching practise I work a lot with beliefs. I teach my clients how to find out what their beliefs are in the first place, how to grow and reinforce the beliefs that are supporting them in their lives, and how to undo and break down the limiting, non-effective beliefs. The simple truth (no, not a belief) is that if we are able to create beliefs (and we are), then we are also able to un- create and re-create beliefs. It is just a matter of finding a new (desirable) representation in reality, and searching for evidence that confirms and validates that new representation. Moreover, there are simple but very powerful tools that I use to break down an old, limiting, not honouring belief, so the client and I are able to work at both ends of the issue. A tad of effort and persistence on the client’s side to establish the new, honouring and effective belief means his/her world will change. It cannot do anything else but that. Change your beliefs, change your world, and enjoy it more. Simple, and very powerful!

Marc de Bruin

I am going to make a bold statement here; sit still, here it comes: your health is dependent, and dependent only, on the way you think and feel about it.

Is that bold, or not? You may agree, or may think I am a complete fool to think that way, but bear with me for a while. And may I remind you that this is just my belief about health; everybody else’s beliefs about it are just as true, from their perspective. I am just attempting to get you thinking about your own ideas and beliefs, and then either confirm them or change them (if you feel the need to).
My belief system about my physical and mental health has been formed over the years, listening to people talking about the subject, undertaking my training in Body Stress Release, coaching and NLP and reading many books on the topic. People like Deepak Chopra, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Louise Hay, the books of Seth, the teachings of Abraham, the Course in Miracles, and more recently people like Candace Pert, Caroline Myss and Lynn Grabhorn (and many, many others) all share a similar opinion, that I hold too: “the state of your physical and mental health is connected to your mental state of mind”. Even modern day medicine is slowly coming to the realisation that there is this thing called the “mind-body connection”. they are only not really sure how it works. And hey, you cannot blame them for that; even I haven’t got a clue how it works, but I definitely experience it working!

In my humble opinion our physical and mental health have got to do with the way we vibrate mentally and emotionally. “Excuse me?”, you (may) say. “The way we vibrate?” Yes, the way we vibrate.

We are all energy-emitting creatures (no, this is not woo-woo stuff, this is just the way it is; ask any scientist). We consist of cells, atoms, protons, neutrons, and-more-of-those-small-things-that-I-don’t-know-the-name-of. All these small parts of us have an electro-magnetic load, which means that they vibrate at a certain frequency. Which in turn means that we (human beings) as a sum- total of these parts, vibrate at a certain rate and thus emit energy. That is why, for instance, you can sometimes feel somebody stand behind you, although you did not see, hear, smell or taste this person coming. You just picked up the vibration of that person.

Moreover, I hold the belief that we stem from a “higher” (although that is not the right word, but anyway) source. You may call that source “God”, “Allah” or whatever you like, but I believe there is a Life Force, or Source Energy, that we emanate from. Ideally, we are direct extensions of this Source Energy (we are the sons (& daughters) of God), and are therefore vibrating at the same frequency as the Source does, in which ideal case you would have a “godlike” experience, experiencing perfect health until the day you pass on to another realm of reality.

With us humans, it usually works a bit differently. We have all kinds of beliefs (limiting beliefs, that is) about the source of our creation, about how health “works”, and about how our bodies function and should be treated. The upshot is, that the majority of us vibrate at a –let’s say- less than divine frequency, with all its consequences. We cut ourselves off from our eternal life flow through our limiting beliefs (which are “energy” in their own right), and that makes us prone to falling ill. That’s my belief, anyway.

Illness, therefore –and here comes another bold statement- is nothing more than being cut off from the (read “our”) life force to such a degree that our bodies start deteriorating. The cells in our body, that normally and ideally vibrate at a high, divine frequency, start to slow their pace down, and starve themselves from the life force they need to maintain their health. When our cells do that long enough they will naturally grow ill.

This cutting off from the eternal stream of life (nice and “out there”, isn’t it?) happens through our thinking. This is where the mind –and where coaching as well, but more about that later- comes in. We are all connected to “the universe”, and to our Source Energy (I believe that to be a fact) but we can certainly think we are not.
Thoughts are energy too, they have their own vibration. Thought vibrations influence the vibration of our bodies’ building blocks, the cells, both positively and negatively. If you habitually think in terms of limitation and lack, you’ll send out vibrations of limitation and lack and as a result feel rotten, to which your body will respond with physical limitation and lack. Quite logical, really. If, on the other hand, you habitually think in terms of abundance of resources, potential and opportunity (which really is our natural state), you will send out vibrations of potential and opportunity and feel swell, to which your body will respond with health and feeling good.

Believe it or not, people who habitually think positively and feel good about themselves, are usually the healthy ones, and people who are frequently down in the dumps, feeling unhappy, are usually the ones that have all kinds of physical discomforts going on. They have cut themselves off from their eternal source of life, due to their thoughts of blame, guilt, anxiety and whatever nasty is out there.

Simply speaking, being sick means you have made a thought-mistake (now there’s another bold statement). You have decided, most likely subconsciously, to pinch off the waves of “feeling healthy” energy, thereby throwing yourself at the mercy of viruses, bacteria etc. that before did not have any chance of invading you, but now suddenly do. It is always a matter of a lowered level of resistance in your body that allows those “sickmakers” to latch on. Viruses and bacteria are in the air always. We all have cells with cancerous properties in them. What makes one person more susceptible to them than another is the way we think (and subsequently behave) in relation to our health and wellbeing in general.

So how does coaching blend in to all this? Well, coaching is all about finding out what your values in life are, which beliefs you hold, and what rules you have in place based upon the former two. This broadly speaking translates into three questions:

• what is really important to you (values)?
• What do you believe to be true in your life (beliefs)?
• For you to feel your values, what do you believe needs to happen?

In terms of the topic of health, a coach can help you bring up those values, beliefs and rules, and find out what the behaviour is and/or has been that you have based upon these values, beliefs and rules. For instance, if you don’t value your body as your temple, you might believe that smoking and eating junk food is quite justified, which will have certain effects on your health. And vice versa off course!

Be aware that many of your values, beliefs and rules aren’t ones that you deliberately chose to have. Very often the majority of our solid beliefs stem from what our parents have taught us verbally, or by the way they lived. The environment that you grew up in is also a great contributor to your forming of values, beliefs and rules about life. And there are more contributing factors. So don’t think “I did not choose to be sick, so how come I am?” No, you did not choose that state of health on purpose, but certainly accepted it into your life by the values, beliefs and rules that you decided to accept as well earlier in your life.

Once you’ve uncovered what your values, beliefs and rules in relation to health are (consciously or subconsciously “chosen”), you can then either chuck them out and replace them, or keep them. Moreover, you can devise new behaviour, that more suits the types of values, beliefs and rules that you would like to have in your life, and start taking affirmative action to achieve better health. Awareness is all it takes, followed by affirmative action.

From a coaching perspective –be aware that my personal opinion is embedded in this- I would like you to believe that ANY illness is reversible, no matter how gravely ill you might be. There are plenty of cases where people on the verge of dying made full recovery. The medical profession doesn’t really know what to do with this, and calls it “spontaneous remission”, or something else vague. A fact is, though, that it does happen! Why not take those events in other people’s lives as your touch-stone and build beliefs and new behaviour based on them? You might be surprised!

Most important in light of what I wrote before, it is my highest desire that everyone adopts the belief that we all are connected to the ever flowing stream of Life, and that by thinking (and subsequently behaving) healthy, we will be and stay healthy. I sincerely believe that, if we are able to change our thinking in such a way that we become more attuned to the vibrations of our Source Energy (oh dear, this does sound airy-fairy doesn’t it?), we cannot be anything else but healthy, physically and mentally. Think in terms of “wants” and stay away from thoughts of “don’t wants” (this is what Lynn Grabhorn talks about in her book “excuse me, your life is waiting”), and your own vibrational level will undoubtedly rise. It’s a universal law, I believe. With the rise of your vibrational level, your health level cannot do anything else but follow suit!

But again, that’s just my personal desire and belief. As a coach, it is my job to let my client create goals around health that are suitable for him/her. What I think of health might be interesting (and I’ll happily tell the client all about it), but isn’t important for my client in terms of goal-setting and achieving. The client will have to come up with his/her own goals, and find out what the values, beliefs and rules in place are, after which new thought patterns can be defined and instilled (if necessary). There are many methods to do this, all boiling down to the maxim: “change your thinking, change your life”.

I hope that with this article I have at least given you some food for thought. I’m not asking you to agree with what I’m suggesting, only to acknowledge the fact that through coaching, you can change whatever you believe into even more honouring and effective beliefs, should you find a need to do so.

Your life is what you think of it. Reality is nothing more than the sum-total of all your thoughts, put into your perspective. That gives you the power to constantly adapt and change, if you are willing to believe that!

Marc de Bruin

We are all split personalities. Did you know that? It is true. We have one “mind”, but this mind has two distinct aspects, which each play a different part in our lives.

Your conscious mind is your daily operating system, the rational, reasoning level. Your conscious thoughts and all the chatter that goes on day in, day out, form part of your conscious mind.
Your subconscious mind, on the other hand, is the irrational level. First of all, it is the control centre of all your involuntary body functions (heartbeat, breathing, blood pressure, etc.).
It is also the collection of memories of everything that you have ever experienced in your life. Moreover, it is the collection of thoughts, beliefs and convictions you have ever formed, based upon these experiences.
Apart from being “just” a collection, your subconscious mind is also the frame of , reference for making decisions in the future. You generally base your actions on the beliefs you hold, and on all that which you have experienced before.

You can liken yourself to a ship. Your conscious mind is the captain of the ship, giving orders by the thoughts that flow through us, and directing the ship to its destination. Your subconscious mind is the crew of the ship. It acts upon the thoughts, without question. It follows the captain’s orders. Apart from that, though, the crew has also to a very large degree the deciding vote on the orders the captain is going to give. Although the captain doesn’t really know this is happening, he bases his orders on the knowledge the crew holds about destinations and routings that the ship has gone before.

You might appreciate, in view of the above, that your subconscious mind is very powerful, docile and maybe even stupid. It will always follow the thoughts given by the conscious mind. It is “worth-less”, does not judge, therefore does not question the validity of any thought. Whether “good” or “bad”, the subconscious mind will do whatever it is being told by the conscious mind. To put it differently, what you believe is what you create.
It also works the other way around, because: what really happens when we “experience” something? We see, hear, feel, smell or taste something. Our senses provide the first input. We then “filter” these pictures, sounds and feelings (the 3 most important ones) through our beliefs, values, memory, our internal language, decisions made earlier and our ancestry. So basically we filter all the information through our subconscious mind. That means that much of the sensory input gets deleted, distorted or generalised in our frame work of reference. We end up with an internal representation of what has happened. This in turn affects our physiology, and makes us “feel” a certain way about that event. The way we feel about stuff, finally, will determine how we react or respond to that event.

If you repeatedly say to yourself “I cannot afford it”, you create a nasty internal representation. Your subconscious mind then filters this statement through your existing beliefs and values, takes you at your word and will make sure you will feel lousy, and will not be in a position to buy what you want. Which will reinforce the belief, of course, and you will create more of it. On the other hand, if you really want something, and put repetition, faith and expectancy in you getting the desired outcome (and feel good about it), you will generally get it.

Running your external experiences through your internal filtering system called “the subconscious mind” makes many of your behaviours and reactions habitual. You’ve created a map of the world (which is not the world itself!), all the new info coming in is set off against your map of the world, and you subsequently base your decisions on that map, even though it’s a distorted, deleted and generalised one. The truth is: as long as you don’t know a better map, you’ll use the old one!

Dealing with changing beliefs and feelings, and creating specific focus to create a new map of your world forms a big part of the coaching work I do, but there is much you can do yourself, once you “get the picture”, and realise that you are the creator of it all, and can undo and redo any map that you use to navigate with in your life.

First of all, be aware of the repeating patterns in your life. If you often use “never” and “always” in your language, be sure you’re running an old show. For instance: “why is this always happening to me?”, or “why does this never go right?”. Become very attuned to these sort of expressions and thoughts, and to when they happen, and decide firmly to change them.

Further, be aware of the feelings certain repeating events evoke in you. Do you like them? Good; keep them. If not, there might be an underlying negative subconscious belief or filter in force, causing you to experience the same event over and over (and feeling lousy about it). Try to find out what the emotion is you would like to feel, and work towards creating that feeling by constantly focussing on it. Next, be aware of the fact that you have once been able to create certain beliefs in your mind that now get you unwanted results, which means that you are also able to un-create and re-create beliefs to get you desired results. Remind yourself of the infinite power of your subconscious mind, and of the fact that it never sleeps. It’s working for you day and night.

Furthermore, be aware of the fact that although you might not feel you have “chosen” all events in your life, you can definitely choose how you respond to them. By changing your response, you change your outlook on life, and will create a new belief in your subconscious mind (“it is not so bad after all!”), and thus a new roadmap.

So what specifically are ways to create new subconscious beliefs (and thus a different life experience)? I will name just a few.

* The passing-over and visualisation technique: visualise strongly what you would like to be, do or have. If you, for instance, have to do some public speaking, visualise a snapshot of the audience applauding for you because they loved your speech, and see yourself being happy with the wonderful response to your talk. Go fully into the emotions attached to it. Feeeeeeeeeeel the way you want to feel. Pass the picture over to your subconscious mind, and trust and believe that the outcome will be as you wish.
* The mental movie technique: basically similar to the visualisation technique, but now completely in “movie-form”.
* The meditation technique: get yourself in a drowsy state akin to sleep, and then impress your subconscious mind with the desired outcome and feelings. You’ll find that you are more receptive because your resistance is lowered when you get into a meditative state. This is why all the techniques work very well just before falling asleep or just after waking up.
* The affirmation technique: create written affirmations that claim the state you want to be in and give you a good feeling. For instance: “I am willing to change. I release the need for resistance. Everything in my life works smoothly and with ease”. Repeat your affirmations as often as needed, especially when you are challenged and see evidence to the contrary.
* Hire a life coach who can help you achieve your goals by giving your brain a proper washing. Brainwashing is the way to go!

Important things to remember: don’t get stressed, and try to push things. Stay focused (very important!), aware and believe, trust and expect that the desired result will come about. Feel good about the changing you. You will be amazed at the speed with which your life changes. On a final note: generally we use techniques to change habits or experiences that we do not like. But why not use the same techniques to amplify and boost habits and create experiences that we do like? If you have positive beliefs about certain things, and these things come to pass in your life, you are easily able to create even more of these, by working on the strength of the underlying beliefs. If you acknowledge that you have all the tools needed, you can use them for any specific purpose: renovate a dilapidated and worn-out house, or extend the beautiful mansion you’re living in already. Realise that we have the ability to create our life’s experience, and that we have been doing that from the day we were born with our frame of reference called “the subconscious mind”. Make the choice to start using this ability consciously NOW, in order for you to create new subconscious beliefs that honour you and are more effective than ones you might have using up till now, or to create even more of the experiences you were having already. Your life becomes a very interesting journey when you do. It is never too late!

Highly recommended reading:
“The power of your subconscious mind” by Dr. Joseph Murphy.
“Excuse me, your life is waiting” by Lynn Grabhorn

Marc de Bruin